Saturday, November 7, 2009

Breaking the Sound Barrier

It's almost unbelievable how much time has passed since last posting. I say 'almost' as in retrospect, looking over all that has happened since surgery, there is no way to deny that those days have definitely been accounted for.
The slingshot effect. Time slows down as each incident occurs at a snails pace. Waiting. Then, that moment of complete pause, those days immediately following breakage when I swear the clock literally stops. Suckage. Then? Holy snap, you're hurtling head over heals through the air with the force of a rocket launcher; arms and legs flailing wildly trying to ensure when you land it's on both feet. Reality.
Honestly, Ifelt like I'd been carrying on living my life in the buildup to Operation Jigsaw. Yes, it was on my mind. A lot. In hindsight I had NO idea how very all consuming it had become. Normal? I think so. It's a BIG deal! As soon as I got the all clear from dear Surgeon at 4 weeks post-op, I was catapulted from that slingshot back into regular life at such a dizzying pace that, don't hate me, It's not often I even think about surgery at all. Someone I haven't seen in ages will ask how I'm feeling and, apologies, I look at them like they have two heads. What are they talking about? Oh. Thaaaaaat. Normal? I think so. I hope so.
Life is good, my friends. It's crazy, unpredictable, ever-evolving and hectic, but good. Because it's NOT governed by apprehension, discomfort, nerves and WAITING. It's past.
I still loathe getting pics taken. I've come to the conclusion it's not my jaw that makes me a dork in photos, I'm just a dork, haha. This was snapped on holiday last week, one of the few, but at least it shows my profile.
Perhaps I'm weird, but I've not had any strange "who am I" feelings when looking in the mirror. Things puffed and receded and though I'm sure I look a bit different (looking at my new passport pic in comparison to the old threw me momentarily) I was just SOOO thrilled to have jaws that fit together I was preoccupied with joy at this new trick. Click clicking my teeth together at every opportunity to show off my mad skillz. How fast this becomes normal, too, and I click less and less. Just every once in a while like remembering an old pleasantry. Ah, remember when?
I just feel like me.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Just an Update (& a lame cartoon...)

I travelled to the Royal Kingdom paying homage to My Liege yesterday. I'm still grinning! The word 'wonderful' got used a lot. Normally, he'd want to see me again at 6 & 8 weeks post op, but said these visits would be waste of time as I'm already at the 8 week stage now; that my recovery has been WAY beyond average! I told him about the "I 'heart' my Surgeon" t-shirt I'm having printed. Wow, I knew I was feeling really well, but how wonderful to have such encouragement from the One Who Should Know.

I'm allowed to do anything I want, physically, and eat whatever I choose; that my head would inform me of poor decisions quickly enough. COOL!!!! (I've basically been doing this anyways, mind you, with the odd caveat.....) With a grin, he asked when I was resuming orthodontics and getting the Surg hooks off already? Ohhhh he's a funny one. He knew I was just waiting for his omnipotent nod.

So of course I called dear OD the moment I got home and snagged a cancellation appointment for today. NO MORE SURGICAL HOOKS! I've got new active wires and fun non-latex elastic configurations to wear 24-7 for the next four weeks. Bite settling time~ I will wow them with my compliance.

Having my mouth reefed around for and hour was not fun and pulling & snipping the old wires out beyond creepy feeling; putting that much pressure on something that's just been relocated made me feel a bit queasy, actually, but no real pain. I cringed the odd time, but from instinct more than necessity. Everyone was as gentle with me as possible. I think they want t-shirts, too...

It's rather exciting to have that initial orthodontics discomfort again. Progress!

Sentimental Nostalgia: If you've read the early days of this blog you might recall this is the same OD office I went to as a kid. With the exception of a couple new additions, the majority of techs and reception are all the same. It is *SO* cool to walk in there and be swarmed by these ladies who "knew me when" and the encouragement and excitement of this post-op visit was pretty special. Awwwwwww....

Friday, June 12, 2009

The Hungry Frog

Four weeks and feeling pretty good~ I wouldn't say I'm back to my pre-chop self, but it's such a drastic improvement from a couple weeks prior I'm feeling like a million bucks. Odd annoyances are there; stitches poke & pull, braces are annoying as always, wooden numb teeth, cleaning takes hours, when fatigue hits it hits HARD, etc. For the most part I can distract myself to ignore these inconveniences that could otherwise drive one a bit batty. I figure if this is the worst I have to complain about then life is good :)

The only thing that's REALLY gotten to me is the darned allergy thing, which is not only uncomfortable, but makes me rather nervous given I've developed adult allergies to shellfish & NSAIDS which started with hives and now anaphylaxis. Very unnerving.

Anyhow it looks like the culprit is latex! I'm allowed to have the elastics out during the day now, and when I put them back in at night, within 45 minutes I exploded into a rash of itchies all over again. I've now got non-latex band and things are improving wonderfully. (You can still see the rash remnants on my face, but apparently it can take a up to a couple of weeks for the histamine to clear your system)

It's so freeing to have those bands out during the day! At first I was nervous about it, but opening has improved bigtime (2 fingers, now)without even thinking about it and now I can actually and truly BRUSH MY TEETH!!! ALL of them! I'm still quite attached to the glories of my water pick, but the combination leaves me feeling like my mouth is actually CLEAN with nary a fuzzy spot ANYWHERE by the time I'm done. NICE! *Angels singing* The swelling is still slowly sinking. If you didn't know me you wouldn't be able to tell it's there, but I can still feel it deep midface and have a lovely little double chin of puffy if you catch me at the right angle. It' s coming.

I had a horse, 'Snortin' Nort' growing up and he was a strange creature.
He walked around with his neck stretched out, shaking his head at you and clicking his teeth together, the most eery sound; whether in greeting or warning (or both) I could never quite figure out. He scared me a little.
I think I might understand him a bit better now, as I stretch out my neck to hide the double chin, shake the head to check out new angles, and am constantly clicking my teeth together with the joy of teeth that FIT together! So if you see or hear me coming, don't be frightened! That clickety-clicking teeth gnashing is pure bliss!

I've been practicing sticking my tongue out and am proud to say I can now lick my lips! It is slow, often tedious and cautious lip licking but it can be done! (And as requested, I've got the picture to prove it!) Let's just say : Ice Cream mustache is no longer a given but if my sustenance depended on catching flies I would starve.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Finger Lickin' Good

Guess what?... It's been three whole weeks since 'Operation Jigsaw'! Snap, that's hard to believe. There are times a single moment seems an eternity, then you blink and *splat* you've been dumped somewhere in the future and are picking yourself off the ground with a head shake, pondering how the heck you got there. Crazyland.
It's evening now, which is why I can give you a big smile which I have to say I'm pretty impressed with for 3 weeks, mobility-wise. This would be impossible in the morning; the swelling paralyzes the right side of my face. I'll add one in tomorrow for giggles.
Ha, I meant to share a question Mom posed to me before going home: She asked if there was anything I really wanted before she left. For whatever reason, when I replied, "Lick my lips!" She was unable/unwilling to see to my plight. Hmph! Guess that wasn't quite what she had in mind... All the kid chauffeuring, meal-cooking, cookie baking (*whimper*), garden-tending, housekeeping, rant-listening was MORE than enough, thanks Mom ;)
~Daily Jaw~
Junk: Being the "Spontaneously Erupting Human Hive" is ticking me off.
Assess: Thank goodness for Benadryl.
Wow: Awesome day hanging out in the sunshine with El (Sis) at the kids' Bball tourney today!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Poser? Poseur?

Do not for a second think this face is easy, 'cause it takes a LOT of work to look like this, baby:

No pain no gain. It's the weird stitch pulling sensation, both top and bottom; that almost indescribable tingly burn feeling tugging at both nose and chin from the inside-out that gives me the creebles *shudder*.

This pic is actually quite lovely in what it symbolizes (ahhhh, deep moment), which is the slow but steady demise of Stone Face Syndrome. The mobility being displayed has been rewarded with pudding.

The numbness is now limited directly where bone cuts were made. That's kind of creebley too, as before it was just an over-all throbby, tingly, stone numbness. Now, it's quite specific. For example: On the surface my nose feels touch and I can scrunch & wiggle it. But underneath it all, the foundation my nose sits on? Dead. Very strange to describe. Everything else feels like just before the Novocaine wears off at the dentist.

It's bizarre how time of day makes a HUGE difference to what shape my face takes. Morning and evenings seem to be puffier for the obvious lying down+ more swelling blah-blah reasons, and it's still more dramatic on my right, but there's a sweet spot in the afternoon where time stands still, the birds stop singing and things melt away a little bit more. Today I even have a nose/mouth crease back! Wahoo for wrinkles! The nighttime "botox fairy" will be erasing it again shortly till tomorrow afternoon's teaser.

~Daily Jaw~

Junk: Nocturnal muscle spasms (the knife-in-the-ear kind) do not a good sleep make. Spontaneously teary at times.
Assess: Bit by bit, little by little.....
Wow: Starting to feel more human(e)

Monday, June 1, 2009


Okay, so this stage of healing really is harder than waiting for surgery. The first couple of weeks things change rapidly, improvements happen quickly. And now? The big stall where everything D-r-a-g-s on. Note the capital D.

I haven't written as not much really changes; nothing is tickling my funny bone & I hate to disappoint. A whole lot of boredom blah with random moments of cheer. I'm not unhappy, just...blah. My skin is still nasty. Residual swelling makes me look duckish and knowing it's here to stay for a bit is, um, something I have to get used to. I can do quite a bit more but get tired easily, yet sitting around is getting old. I'm antsy to get out and DO something, but part of me wants to hide out a bit longer.

The cold from my kids is great fun: Sneezing is even more fun than coughing. Do you know the PSI of your average sneeze? Through your MOUTH my friends, not your nose. Bite teeth gently to stabilize your jaw and let it out your mouth. Hold paper in front of face and marvel at the spray patterns. Pretty! Sneezy, coughy, stuffy. Blech.

My goal was to not lose any weight, and I'm proud of this accomplishment, but GAINING weight? Yeah, leave it to the over-achiever.

Aimee, I feel your pain. I'm developing allergies. I'm pretty sure the full body rash flares the worst with peanut butter (this and a banana in the chocolate shake SJP recommended is a flavour sensation! MMMmmm~TRY THIS!) but I'm not ruling out the banana and noticed the strawberry shake last night also sent me in search of Benadryl. I don't think the drugged out Benadryl hangover is helping my mindset.

I'm going for a good long walk outside in the morning to clear my head :)

~Daily Jaw~

Junk: Blech, Yuck, Blah
Assess: Time to regroup & refocus
Wow: I need to lighten up!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Otherwise known as Surgically Acquired -Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I can not stay focused on anything for any period of time. Sitting still is next to impossible without the sparkle and allure of bright shiny objects being dangled in front of my face:

The last couple of days have been SO much better. This is where I get to experience that roller coaster thingy....Weeeeeee! You know, that stage where you're feeling better so you just keep going? I started eating ice cream Saturday night and the world became a happy place again. I finally had a laugh strong enough to rip the last surgical hook from being embedded in my cheek so a joke doesn't hurt anymore. Talking got easier so I yakkety-yakkety-yakkety......."wow, is that a bird over there?! Ooooh pretty flowers? What, who's on the phone? Let's go shopping! Anymore ice cream? Tell me a story! Pardon did you say something? Ooooh lalalalalalala!...... "No wonder my jaw feels tired...

Really, my brain is everywhere. I sit down to write and it's hard to focus. I forget how to spell. Reading more than the instant gravy instructions has been out of the question. And no, I'm not on anything other than the occasional Tylenol.

Yes Steph! I DID get that bandage taken off yesterday and it is a wonderful feeling of freedom indeed! I admit there was a momentary tummy flip when I first stood up though; psychologically like that comfort blanket was being ripped off. Weird. Got over that :) Do you have any idea how much nail polish remover burns on skin that's been stretched and air deprived for 10 days? Ouch! but it got most of the glue off.

My swelling has gone down significantly, but there's still a way's to go~ It's common to be lopsided and it would seem the bulbousness favours my right. My nose is most certainly more turny-uppy but I am not upset about anything in this regard. Um, it's way too early for any of that :) . The swelling WILL eventually all go away, even if it takes months, and things WILL keep settling. Get a load of that skin, though, really. Sheesh, between the steroids during surgery and the stretching and the lounging...It is really ticked off.

Had a great check up with the SawMaster yesterday. I'm a 'Superstar' (his word, not mine) and he seemed quite impressed with how things are healing. And he found NO creamed corn hiding in my incisions whatsoever...... Actually it was amazing in that when I sheepishly mentioned 'eating' such foods all he said was, "I'm Italian, I understand the importance of eating!" SO if I can swallow it, I'm allowed to eat it! I've since had a can of alphagetti, mashed potatoes and gravy, and even more creamed corn, legally. My bite is bang on and have a 'Fred' guiding elastic on either side to support it.
After riding the high for a couple of days, I've kind of settled back down to a more 'normal' place. Kids returned home from the inlaws & My mom came on Sunday to stay for the week so it remains unknown who will be the biggest pain to look after. I hear the big money's on me.....

Anyhow I'm doing okay. Uncomfortable but hardly miserable. Sleep is fairly evasive and I'm tired, but I'm not a complete zombie. I still can't focus well and have a tendency to wander around and want to do more than I ought, but I suppose it's better to have 'duct-tape-you-to-a-chair' threats hurled at you than feel like it did a couple days ago. It's just weird not to be the one 'doing'. Moms are supposed to push past it, aren't they?

Finally, (for now anyways ~you've been warned!), Thank you SO much for all the positive reinforcement, encouragement, prayers etc. I will be replying to comments in the near future. Nearer than you think now that I've been Duct taped to this chair.....

Junk: Restless, impatient phase commencing

Assess: Impressed I've always remembered the second 's' in assess

Wow: All those other bloggers are right~Mashed Potatoes & Gravy REALLY tastes like REAL food!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

But Are Your Lips Blue?

The last couple days have been the hardest by far, and likewise the hardest to describe. My brain has been on overdrive playing the flip-sided devil's advocate against itself. How I FEEL; hitting the wall, rock-bottom, discouraged, downhearted, on the skids, sucking the hind tit (thanks for that one, Dad!).... versus the things that I KNOW; "This is normal, hang in there, it'll get better, one day at a time"... and it's all true, both sides, simultaneously.

Perhaps it's a combination of anaesthetic leaving, body reeling, not sleeping, full swelling, experience coughing, dry heaving, sick of sitting, fear of suffocating, gag-on souping-ing.... *breath*... but I'm only guessing. Hubby made a call to the surgeon one evening at the height of my 'discomfort' and guess what his only concern was? "But are her lips blue?" As in, as long as I'm not literally suffocating, suck it up princess and just keep breathing. You volunteered for this, remember? (hard to see in pic but I'm wearing my "frankie goes to Hollywood" t-shirt, haha!) Relax.

(* This pic is from Friday morning and was chosen for T-shirt message irony, to highlight that lips and disgustipating bandage are still at large, blind you with the shiny-glossy skin, & if you look close I've actually got yellow bruising on my neck.*)

I believe it was Thursday evening after my "everything is dandy" post that Karma kicked my big-fat mouth and the throat tickling began. That niggling that builds at times when you know you're supposed to be silent. Your eye's are watering like crazy as you try to bite it back but you know it's futile and the cough eventually comes crashing out. But because you've made 'it' wait, 'it's' going to make you reel over and over again till that tickle is satisfied. Painful enough experiencing this during Church congregational prayer, (I missed the whole first half of my Sister's wedding address to this evil), but knowing it IS going to happen and your heads been recently rearranged and I thought I'd go mental in anticipation.

I should say "It's not as bad you you think" (read: my head did not literally implode ) but it sure made me aware of lots of little things. Like:

  • Wow, I'd forgotten about surgical hooks embedded in swollen flesh in there- Sudden sharp movements that rip them out of hiding feels awesome! Or

  • Cool, That's what a rubber band snapping in your mouth feels like! And

  • Who-da-thunk-it, but you can actually dry heave and cough at the same time and resemble a One-Man-Band guy who plays accordion and harmonica, bending over to thump and whack on a variety of drums while reaching up to give the monkey-on-shoulder a pat...probably sound the same too.

Ah Yes, I'd promised to show the iv debacle, the truth of which I'm sure I'll never know. Picture on the left is where I watched them insert and felt them run meds into me. It is from this same sight that I was still receiving everything post op as well. The mystery? Picture on the right is the flip side of the same hand, obviously beaten up nicely and the pain of a recovery nurse holding pressure on this sight is my first and overwhelming memory of 'Coming To'. I have no idea why.

~Daily JAW~

Junk: This really can be a crappy place to be

Assess: It really will get better

Wow: Kawartha Dairy Ice Cream

And My Lips Aren't Blue!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Who Wantsh a Kish?

I .HATE. pressure. bandage. It is itchy, smelly, sticky, and harbouring Swine flu,... maybe.....well...chocolate pudding for sure which also makes it slightly hauteur couture, no?

Bottom Feeder (with pu bah rights) insists it remains on until Monday the 25th, on which date I can assure you it will have already moved on to greener pastures and taken half of my face with it. What has GOT to be growing under there? *shudder!*
How many of you guys suffered this nuisance? I wanted to compare the puffage from all angles, OoH is that a bruise there? And All I GET Is The 'Yo Mumma!' Face, the one that inspires that joke about the kid on the back of his dad's motorbike....Slow down daddy....

I've been having a time getting blogger the work and post the last couple of days, and that frustration in combination with drugs = not much posting. I'm done the narcotics and am just crushing up Tylenol. Honestly, I'm not noticing a lot of difference in the pain front. I have had very little acute pain. It really is the constant 'Discomfort' that begs distraction. I've had a couple teary moment where those jaws are just aching, like a targeted ear ache, but combined with Strep throat swallowing issues, cold/flue stuffy/aches, tired. It's at these times I remind myself:

  • This could hurt SO much more, enjoy the mediocrity
  • I can "drink'" from a cup and felt my lips from the get-go: COOL!
  • Nose stopped dripping by day 3-4. Sounds gross, but melting my way through the clot (with peroxide, without dis logging it) so I could always breath if I'd just freak less and sit still. The nurse who showed me this deserves pudding
  • I have This Man to make me fresh soup! And Chocolate Pudding (a day before technically"allowed") That's the only time I've used the zip n'Squeeze and did it pack away a family pudding like no tomorrow~ YUM !

So, I'm doing dandy! I'm SOBER :) Wait a minute, If I'm off the drugs now......

Just joking. I'm trying to smile at you in the pics, but the lip are in danger of popping. Seriously, I miss being able to talk much. Jonathan can understand me and I can make myself heard but this takes LOTS of works and ends up with achy jaw. Playing around with ice and heat now, not for any advantage over comfort and just praying for my throat to go back to normal.

Tomorrow, I'll show you the IV bruises from where no IV "technically"' existed. Always fun

Love you Guys :)

Junk: Still whining the throat
Assess: So Much more worth giving thanks for
Wow: Off to marvel more flowers :)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Day 2=Dumb face

It doesn't seem to matter what 'Face' I try to make, they all come out looking much the same way: Like that kid in grade school that always had a half sneer/you can't tell me what to do face that you could barely restrain yourself from smacking? Please don't smack me! Even though I have the dumb face, that is my look for today. I try smiling, it looks dumb, I try an eye wiggle, out come the dumb face. We could do this like Dr. Suess; One face two face here comes dumb face....

Went for a walk about outside to peak around the gardens. I love this time of year for this very reason. Every day there's something new poking up.
Dear hubby says I have 3 more hours to percocet time, but I think he's confused, haha.I know I owe you details, and they're coming, but the concentration has to hold a bit longer than,"Try to smile, haha I look like Gomer Pile, hahah..." Maybe tomorrow.

I CAN tell you I hated the hospital and they're hooligans. To me, hospital felt rough, assembly line, listen to the nurses bitch how tired THEY are. I had a very VERY smelly roommate who apparently needed12 people visiting at a time. It's normal if they want to peak at me on the way by, but they would stop and STARE!!Back up and STARE some more! I suggested they take a picture but it probably came out ,"Sutupas, Stupidss.Ya wonno picshure? Piissh offff!" The nurse heard me and kicked them out and gave them a piece of her mind. 'bout time. Hated hospital. Hospital made me cry from being mad, not sad.

~Daily JAW~
Junk :Still feel like choking with the throat nonsense. Keep reminding myself to 'chill' and just breathe.
Assess: You should see the OTHER guy!
Wow: Hubby picked lilacs~ beautiful! And I can smell them ...I think :)

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Howdy We're Home

We're back home now! Time goes WAYYYYY to slowly in hospital, so I proved I could drink, pee and all the other pre-requisites and was given the boot. Things went relatively smoothly and I'll try to bring you up to speed in the near future.

For now, Crazy throat from the breathing and stomach sucking implements is the biggest discomfort right now. As long as you remember to relax it's all good. NOT a fan of the pressure bandage~ ITCHY! and does some weird shoving and lump and bump making.

This is about 6 hours post-op. Made Jonathan stumble around behind me on one of many short jaunts. Looking fruity but up and at em pretty good.
Trust me, I felt swollen here, but now I can reassure you it hadn't yet begun!
I'm crazy looped on morphine and percocet right now, but wanted to reassure all went well and made it home okay. Will catch up soon :)

~Daily JAW~

Junk: Throat feels tight, hard to breathe, swallowing the "lump"

Assess: It's Early, but feeling way better than I'd of thought

Wow: So good to be home!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Potty Mouth

In the interest of full disclosure in this endeavour, I won't lie to you. I'm pooping my pants a little. It's contained though, harhar! I wanted to do a big "last hurrah" but am having difficulty forming coherent sentences. And the battery in my camera died. Should have checked that before I bothered brushing my teeth....

Anyhow, the kids are dropped off at their grandparents' which led to a few tears (mine~ alone in my car), my house looks like a bomb hit and I'm taking off for an evening of distraction: a school membership meeting, a Big Mac meal, Hubby's ball hockey game, and then if the clock allows and I've not turned back into a pumpkin, perhaps another Big Mac meal. Each of these equally important events will be accompanied by a fresh Tim's coffee~ double, double. I'm not sleeping anyways so we'll go for a grease/caffeine-induced coma. WEEEeeeeee!

Thank you so much for the encouragement, thoughts, prayers and Boo-ya's. I'm not WiFi compatible so Dark Side posts won't be forth-coming 'till I'm back home Sunday. I love you guys :)

Good Luck to Stephanie on your Surgery Monday!

~ Daily J.A.W. ~

Junk: Feel like a space cadet

Assessment: This will soon be enhanced by Percocet & Ativan

Wow: Last night with an underbite!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Just Jaw-filled Jumble
Sleeping Seldom Satisfied
Jittery, Jumpy.

Prescriptions Picked up
Percocet Preparedness
Pink Penicillin.

Back for Braces Fix
Ortho Observes Orally
Surgical Spikes Skewed.

Hair Highlighted, Hot
Pre-game Show is Commencing
Last Thoughts Coming Soon.

Friday, May 8, 2009

It's ME

This time next week, the iv will have been inserted, I'll be wearing hospital garb and singing "Take Me Out To The Balllllllllgame..." ~off key, of course~ while waiting to be wheeled into the cold sterile environment of an Operating Theatre. It feels surreal at this moment. I won't say I don't feel nervous 'cause I'm pretty sure what I'm feeling is nerves, but it's not overwhelming. More a case of the jitters where I just can't stay still or focus on anything for very long. Jumpy. Waiting for the crack of the starter's pistol.

Surgical hooks are placed between each tooth and with the exception of storing snacks for a rainy day, I have yet to reach for the case of wax scoffed from the Ortho's in anticipation of what could be. *shrug* No biggie.

Yesterday was the day of hurry up and wait: pre-op clinics at the hospital and surgeon's. A whole lot of nod and smile as you get re-told everything you've already gone over. Do they think you're going to change your mind, jump up screaming "WHAT? You're gonna do WHAT?!" It was nice that Jonathan came for these visits, though. It let him hear everything first hand from the powers that be, instead of listening to me go on about it.

I scored these from the surgeon:

Always fun seeing your innards and the kids love how the hooks show so well in the Pan x ray.

I'm not putting up the projected 'dolphin' morph pictures The Man presented me. They are horrid. And wonderful. Confused?

First the horrid. They are confirmation of why I hate pictures taken. Holy snap they were that bad. It was a National Enquirer version of some Celeb being caught without makeup and being outed as a trans-gendered druggie giving birth to alien babies. The first thing Jonathan said when we got back in the car was "Dude. You do NOT look like that. Trust me. Those sucked." I hadn't said anything but he knew where my brain was. How can you like the projection when based on horror?

The wonderful. There was so little difference between the before and after. So subtle that if you blink twice you might have imagined anything varied at all. Still confused? If you haven't been following my narcissistic self-centred tale or woe from the beginning, you might have missed that with the exception of a potentially more-balanced profile as bonus, I'm doing this because of long standing jaw pain.

Yes, I have an underbite from the upper not growing enough but it is not an in-your-face underbite. My upper jaw is skewed to my right giving a crossbite, but it's not horrendous. It's just enough that Orthodontics alone can't straighten it. Enough that my teeth won't line up and let me chew properly. Enough that my joints get strained with every bite. And the best? Enough that I will recognize myself when this is all over!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Slight-Of-Hand

So far this week I've had my family physician pow-wow, been officially stamped as wonderfully healthy by both doctor & dentist, had enough blood drawn to fill a moat (and didn't pass out! which is pretty new for me, a chronic blood-related fainter), EKG stickers applied and ripped off like bandaids, peed in various receptacles, had teeth scraped, scaled and baking soda blasted...

Coversation as heard in my house this morning:

"Ow, ow, ow!"

"Are you stretching down there?"

"Feel the BURN!"

"No really, are you okay?"

"I'm trying to get up! Help!"

.....and signed up for a Body Bootcamp. I'm a fairly active person who suffers from lack of self-motivation by times, so I thought I'd give this new class a go. Oh MY! You know when you do something a little different and talk about finding new muscles you didn't know existed? How this is normally restricted to a specific body area depending on that activity?

I posses a whole second body, living within the known one like a parasite. That new-found one hurts. Everywhere. ALOT. But what a hoot~ I can't wait for next week. I can't move but inside I'm all pumped and raring to go!

How is this jaw related? I guess it's not directly associated, except that the nerves are creeping in on occasion and I wanted to channel that adrenaline into a tangible, completely separate outlet. I suppose housework or never-ending laundry would have sufficed, but I have to do that anyways and it just feels like more jaw-surgery prep. I'm doing hot yoga on Saturday, so I can add sweaty pain to the list :)

This week's been busy on the Doctor front though surgery still feels a long way off. The one coming up is fairly quiet~ a calm before the storm. Time to catch my breath before the whirlwind picks up and I'm dumped unceremoniously on "the other side" without warning.



Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Quartermaster

At this stage of the game there's not a whole lot of juiciness to pass on, just counting "bullets & beans". A few of my dates got changed, but nothing that affects THE date. Ortho was going to do hooks on the 13th (bless them) but Grand Pu bah wants them on for our May 7th pow-wow ~ so hooks on the 6th it is. I'm to the point this doesn't bother me, though the tale might digress somewhat if I'm consuming my body weight in wax following installation. Yum.

I have to wait for the goodies in Head Honcho's 'mystery-bag-of-delight', but allow me to share a smattering of my nesting compulsions thus far.

I've decided not to go the zip-n-squeeze route. Perhaps there will be cursing later, but I've practiced with my baster, improvised baby bottles, flexible paper cups and squeeze bottles and think there's enough option & variety to suffice. I've stocked up on all things liquid; from sweet to bland to savoury, thin to thick consistency, to make sure there's no excuse against getting those calories in.

My ipod is full of playlists for evey mood, as is the variety of movies & books at hand. The humidifier is at the ready and juicer well-broken in.

My most substantial purchase? That Lazyboy recliner (OH! so comfy like a hug!) I tried out all kinds of chairs offered as loaners from family and felt like Goldilocks. Couldn't imagine sleeping in them for a night let alone weeks. This one is Juuuuuust right!

My favourite purchase? That ladybug neck pillow, how cute and cheery is that?!

I know all too well from the openness of our fellow bloggers just how unprepared I'll feel with the emotional roller coaster that is jaw surgery. I'm just trying to keep an open mind that it WILL be a roller coaster and will cross those bridges and hurdles as they come. Physical preparedness is not something I want to worry about on top of it all.

I've been studying the supplement options for a while now and was quite impressed by the Vita Medica product that Rita mentioned her surgeon giving her as it has everything I want in one handy program. Figures I can't get it in Canada. So I made note of the dosage recommendations and individually got:

Bromelain and Quercetin (for the swelling- I'm allergic to advil and anti-inflammatory meds), homeopathic Calcium/minerals (for bone support and a form that doesn't build up in your body), Arnica (both topical and internal for bruising) and a liquid multi-vitamin for over all health. In the meantime I'll be switching my regular B complex super vitamin to one that doesn't have vitamin E and will stop juicing ginger root and garlic a couple of weeks prior to surgery due to their blood thinning properties.

Phew! Wasn't that exciting? Hope nobody passed out in a puddle of drool. This is where I'm at for today :)

Friday, March 13, 2009

Now Accepting Applications~

~For a full-time Administrative Assistant. Applicants must have exemplary phone and scheduling skills, be well versed in the art of bribery and display strong motivational fortitude. Ability to talk someone down off a ledge a must. Serious inquiries only. Broad knowledge of show tunes an asset though not mandatory.

Okay, I have officially completed nailing down and booking all those crazy appointments that have to happen before one sets foot in the OR and my overwhelming observation is, IF it weren't so darn exciting it might seem a tad bit daunting. Heavy emphasis on the 'IF'. Drum roll please:

  • April 2: Complete Physical
  • April 20: Dental Cleaning
  • April 21: Pre-op with Family Doctor
  • May 7: Hospital Pre-Op & Admissions
  • May 7: Surgeon's Clinic and Workup
  • May 13: Surgical Hooks
  • May 15: Um.... I KNOW there's something...

A bit belated perhaps, but the re-consult at the Great One's office was a raging success. We laughed, danced, high-fived,broke into song. Who am I kidding: I marched in, grabbed him by the scruff of his well-pressed shirt, shook him 3 times and a date popped out. Mission accomplished.

The game plan is still a Lefort 1 + Genioplasty, though it's looking like a segmented Lefort is back off the table. Sweet. He'll present the full details and show me projected pictures at the May 7 appointment and I get a knapsack of goodies at that time too, just like Christmas! He's keeping me two nights in the hospital because I'm an out-of-towner. May long weekend in a ward room. The only part I'm not too keen on.

For the first week home my kids will be at my in-laws. Close enough if I want a visit and school can proceed as normal, far enough that their mother's face not inspire nightmares. Hubby is taking the week off to play nurse as he looks darn cute in the outfit and is a sucker for punishment.

The 2nd week, My mom is coming to beg the husband not to leave me, ferry kids to school, be a general wonder woman, and put up with me. It's in the mom job description.

I've had my supply kit assembled for months now, compiled a list of soups to have frozen and at the ready, my overnight bag packed and sitting by the front door. The 'easy' stuff is done and accounted for.

Now for the hard part. I've been using the "I need my date" excuse as a security blanket, shielding me from the biggest goal I want to accomplish before getting hacked in twain. Quit Smoking. Period. Welcome to the first day of a new adventure~ Wish me luck.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

MAY 15!

Well snap, would you look at that?

Right purty don't cha think?

Details to follow. Tonight I'm just absorbing~ a sponge *shprulp!*

Head's UP

I made my weekly call to 'Those Who Run Interference' yesterday, all Sweet & Light as per norm. Did they have a cancellation?

I have an appointment this afternoon at 1:00!

Guess how much sleeping took place last night?

That magic date? I'll know this afternoon...

Of COURSE you'll be the first to know!

Saturday, February 7, 2009


As a rule, I am not one of those people who likes surprises. To clarify, I am not one of those people who likes surprises when I know somethings coming. If it happens out of the blue, there is no awareness that anythings up? That's fine and dandy and I will be full of glee (or weep & wail and get over it) accordingly. But tell me to "wait for it!" and watch me unravel: Accelerated heartbeat? Check. Rapid breathing? Check. Say 'hi' and watch me jump 10 feet in the air? Check. I. Like. Game plans. Even if the plan is to be spontaneous: totally kosher, as long as we're clear that we're being spontaneous.

Why am I rambling about surprises anyways? Well, I'm such a patient soul (harHar!). Ever since those molds were taken I've been doing the whole, "Does the surgeon call me to come in? Does he call the Ortho who calls me to call the surgeon? Do I call the surgeon?" Worst fear was waiting for a phone to ring that was NEVER going to ring. So of course I did the calling. First to the Ortho to make sure molds had been sent. She assured me she had personally couriered them & they should arrive at destination chop-shop by Friday. That it was totally acceptable to call and set something up if I hadn't heard anything by the middle of next week.

Of course, my brain interpreted this as "D'uh! If he'll have them Friday, I'm calling Friday!"

I did. And lovely Tanya was amazingly patient with me. Those models had just marched in the door. Know when the next date is for a re-consult? April 6th! Know what the best thing is since sliced bread? A cancellation list! Guess what sweetness and all thing light gets you? A spot at the top of it! What will be the death of me in the meantime? Waiting for that phone to ring.

The moral of this circular tale: Always be nice with the one controlling the appointment books. When my phone rings, Tanya's totally getting cookies.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I Take it Back.

Not laying off the caffeine anytime soon, 'cause guess what happens when you're wired on the good stuff?? You get the whole "Chop chop!" thing from my previous post. Uh huh, yep, you bet'cha, yes sir, oh yeah, wouldn't lie to ya. AND I brushed my teeth first.

The GAP; it no longer holds power, not even in it's name because the GAP no longer exists. I'd show you but some moron (namely me) has to charge up the camera. I know. You're disappointed. Hence poor-substitute Clip Art.

I got those molds taken, surgery wires in and was admonished not to hurt anyone with my enthusiasm (Okay, that last part is fabrication of sorts~ he told me not to get too excited yet...spoil sport). I'm allowed to injure innocent bystanders when I get the call from 'His Eminence' confirming our notion that all systems are go.

Given the rapid pace of the GAP's sudden closure, dear Ortho wants everything held stable for 8 weeks irregardless, so it's not like Operation Jigsaw is tomorrow. It DOES mean there's a good chance it'll be this Spring. Lalalalalala~ Doing the (minor victory) happy dance.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Suspense is KILLING Me!

Ever since I stopped calling it for what it is, 'IT' started to close so as IF I'm going to switch things up now. N'uh-uh, Niet, Nada, Nien, No way Jose! Yardstick is Floss!!! Do you here me? FLOSS!!!!
Argh! I'm totally jinxing things by giving way to youthful exuberance when home free has not yet been tagged, but after stalling out for SO long I cannot contain my pleasure. You keep getting gorey close-ups as things look smaller from far away - that perspective thing- and I refuse to cheat in this regard. Lets just say that from regular viewing distance, If I've not blown the spit bubbles out of the way you can't even see a ga~ OOps! that was close~ um, lacuna* exists at all.
SO. The question I need help with is this: Do I NOT brush my teeth for Thursday's Ortho appointment? Leave the gunk for a visual mirage in hopes that he thinks all is done, jumps up clapping "Chopchop! Minions, we must immediately do new records & overnight Fed-Ex to the Great One!! He must be appeased with new bones to render in twain!" ?
Yes, I've GOT to lay off the caffeine.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Game Time: If I Were....I'd Be...

A Plane
... stuck in a holding pattern

A Pond
... stagnant

A Bird
... who cares, but it's wings are clipped

A Truck
... spinning my wheels

An Animal
...definitely a Sloth! Just hanging around, not going anywhere fast. Ha ha, that's a mental picture for you!

Actually, perhaps I should take a cue from Mr Sloth. He doesn't seem too upset to just let it be. Touche!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I THINK I can, I THINK I can...

SOOOO close...and yet sooooo far. I have a bit of difficulty getting the little proxy brush in there now, which seems to be the measure of progress. I'll be excited when that yardstick is floss =)
Don't think I shared the new molds-to-surgeon goal of late March? That's in large part due to not wanting to get my hopes up & holding one's breath for that long is hazardous to the health. I've heard this before. Ortho visit is the end of January and molds are to be taken at the following visit and sent off the the Great One, whose very existence I'm starting to wonder if I dreamt up long, long ago; some random night on a Percocet high.