Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Otherwise known as Surgically Acquired -Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I can not stay focused on anything for any period of time. Sitting still is next to impossible without the sparkle and allure of bright shiny objects being dangled in front of my face:

The last couple of days have been SO much better. This is where I get to experience that roller coaster thingy....Weeeeeee! You know, that stage where you're feeling better so you just keep going? I started eating ice cream Saturday night and the world became a happy place again. I finally had a laugh strong enough to rip the last surgical hook from being embedded in my cheek so a joke doesn't hurt anymore. Talking got easier so I yakkety-yakkety-yakkety......."wow, is that a bird over there?! Ooooh pretty flowers? What, who's on the phone? Let's go shopping! Anymore ice cream? Tell me a story! Pardon did you say something? Ooooh lalalalalalala!...... "No wonder my jaw feels tired...

Really, my brain is everywhere. I sit down to write and it's hard to focus. I forget how to spell. Reading more than the instant gravy instructions has been out of the question. And no, I'm not on anything other than the occasional Tylenol.

Yes Steph! I DID get that bandage taken off yesterday and it is a wonderful feeling of freedom indeed! I admit there was a momentary tummy flip when I first stood up though; psychologically like that comfort blanket was being ripped off. Weird. Got over that :) Do you have any idea how much nail polish remover burns on skin that's been stretched and air deprived for 10 days? Ouch! but it got most of the glue off.

My swelling has gone down significantly, but there's still a way's to go~ It's common to be lopsided and it would seem the bulbousness favours my right. My nose is most certainly more turny-uppy but I am not upset about anything in this regard. Um, it's way too early for any of that :) . The swelling WILL eventually all go away, even if it takes months, and things WILL keep settling. Get a load of that skin, though, really. Sheesh, between the steroids during surgery and the stretching and the lounging...It is really ticked off.

Had a great check up with the SawMaster yesterday. I'm a 'Superstar' (his word, not mine) and he seemed quite impressed with how things are healing. And he found NO creamed corn hiding in my incisions whatsoever...... Actually it was amazing in that when I sheepishly mentioned 'eating' such foods all he said was, "I'm Italian, I understand the importance of eating!" SO if I can swallow it, I'm allowed to eat it! I've since had a can of alphagetti, mashed potatoes and gravy, and even more creamed corn, legally. My bite is bang on and have a 'Fred' guiding elastic on either side to support it.
After riding the high for a couple of days, I've kind of settled back down to a more 'normal' place. Kids returned home from the inlaws & My mom came on Sunday to stay for the week so it remains unknown who will be the biggest pain to look after. I hear the big money's on me.....

Anyhow I'm doing okay. Uncomfortable but hardly miserable. Sleep is fairly evasive and I'm tired, but I'm not a complete zombie. I still can't focus well and have a tendency to wander around and want to do more than I ought, but I suppose it's better to have 'duct-tape-you-to-a-chair' threats hurled at you than feel like it did a couple days ago. It's just weird not to be the one 'doing'. Moms are supposed to push past it, aren't they?

Finally, (for now anyways ~you've been warned!), Thank you SO much for all the positive reinforcement, encouragement, prayers etc. I will be replying to comments in the near future. Nearer than you think now that I've been Duct taped to this chair.....

Junk: Restless, impatient phase commencing

Assess: Impressed I've always remembered the second 's' in assess

Wow: All those other bloggers are right~Mashed Potatoes & Gravy REALLY tastes like REAL food!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

But Are Your Lips Blue?

The last couple days have been the hardest by far, and likewise the hardest to describe. My brain has been on overdrive playing the flip-sided devil's advocate against itself. How I FEEL; hitting the wall, rock-bottom, discouraged, downhearted, on the skids, sucking the hind tit (thanks for that one, Dad!).... versus the things that I KNOW; "This is normal, hang in there, it'll get better, one day at a time"... and it's all true, both sides, simultaneously.

Perhaps it's a combination of anaesthetic leaving, body reeling, not sleeping, full swelling, experience coughing, dry heaving, sick of sitting, fear of suffocating, gag-on souping-ing.... *breath*... but I'm only guessing. Hubby made a call to the surgeon one evening at the height of my 'discomfort' and guess what his only concern was? "But are her lips blue?" As in, as long as I'm not literally suffocating, suck it up princess and just keep breathing. You volunteered for this, remember? (hard to see in pic but I'm wearing my "frankie goes to Hollywood" t-shirt, haha!) Relax.

(* This pic is from Friday morning and was chosen for T-shirt message irony, to highlight that lips and disgustipating bandage are still at large, blind you with the shiny-glossy skin, & if you look close I've actually got yellow bruising on my neck.*)

I believe it was Thursday evening after my "everything is dandy" post that Karma kicked my big-fat mouth and the throat tickling began. That niggling that builds at times when you know you're supposed to be silent. Your eye's are watering like crazy as you try to bite it back but you know it's futile and the cough eventually comes crashing out. But because you've made 'it' wait, 'it's' going to make you reel over and over again till that tickle is satisfied. Painful enough experiencing this during Church congregational prayer, (I missed the whole first half of my Sister's wedding address to this evil), but knowing it IS going to happen and your heads been recently rearranged and I thought I'd go mental in anticipation.

I should say "It's not as bad you you think" (read: my head did not literally implode ) but it sure made me aware of lots of little things. Like:

  • Wow, I'd forgotten about surgical hooks embedded in swollen flesh in there- Sudden sharp movements that rip them out of hiding feels awesome! Or

  • Cool, That's what a rubber band snapping in your mouth feels like! And

  • Who-da-thunk-it, but you can actually dry heave and cough at the same time and resemble a One-Man-Band guy who plays accordion and harmonica, bending over to thump and whack on a variety of drums while reaching up to give the monkey-on-shoulder a pat...probably sound the same too.

Ah Yes, I'd promised to show the iv debacle, the truth of which I'm sure I'll never know. Picture on the left is where I watched them insert and felt them run meds into me. It is from this same sight that I was still receiving everything post op as well. The mystery? Picture on the right is the flip side of the same hand, obviously beaten up nicely and the pain of a recovery nurse holding pressure on this sight is my first and overwhelming memory of 'Coming To'. I have no idea why.

~Daily JAW~

Junk: This really can be a crappy place to be

Assess: It really will get better

Wow: Kawartha Dairy Ice Cream

And My Lips Aren't Blue!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Who Wantsh a Kish?

I .HATE. pressure. bandage. It is itchy, smelly, sticky, and harbouring Swine flu,... maybe.....well...chocolate pudding for sure which also makes it slightly hauteur couture, no?

Bottom Feeder (with pu bah rights) insists it remains on until Monday the 25th, on which date I can assure you it will have already moved on to greener pastures and taken half of my face with it. What has GOT to be growing under there? *shudder!*
How many of you guys suffered this nuisance? I wanted to compare the puffage from all angles, OoH is that a bruise there? And All I GET Is The 'Yo Mumma!' Face, the one that inspires that joke about the kid on the back of his dad's motorbike....Slow down daddy....

I've been having a time getting blogger the work and post the last couple of days, and that frustration in combination with drugs = not much posting. I'm done the narcotics and am just crushing up Tylenol. Honestly, I'm not noticing a lot of difference in the pain front. I have had very little acute pain. It really is the constant 'Discomfort' that begs distraction. I've had a couple teary moment where those jaws are just aching, like a targeted ear ache, but combined with Strep throat swallowing issues, cold/flue stuffy/aches, tired. It's at these times I remind myself:

  • This could hurt SO much more, enjoy the mediocrity
  • I can "drink'" from a cup and felt my lips from the get-go: COOL!
  • Nose stopped dripping by day 3-4. Sounds gross, but melting my way through the clot (with peroxide, without dis logging it) so I could always breath if I'd just freak less and sit still. The nurse who showed me this deserves pudding
  • I have This Man to make me fresh soup! And Chocolate Pudding (a day before technically"allowed") That's the only time I've used the zip n'Squeeze and did it pack away a family pudding like no tomorrow~ YUM !

So, I'm doing dandy! I'm SOBER :) Wait a minute, If I'm off the drugs now......

Just joking. I'm trying to smile at you in the pics, but the lip are in danger of popping. Seriously, I miss being able to talk much. Jonathan can understand me and I can make myself heard but this takes LOTS of works and ends up with achy jaw. Playing around with ice and heat now, not for any advantage over comfort and just praying for my throat to go back to normal.

Tomorrow, I'll show you the IV bruises from where no IV "technically"' existed. Always fun

Love you Guys :)

Junk: Still whining the throat
Assess: So Much more worth giving thanks for
Wow: Off to marvel more flowers :)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Day 2=Dumb face

It doesn't seem to matter what 'Face' I try to make, they all come out looking much the same way: Like that kid in grade school that always had a half sneer/you can't tell me what to do face that you could barely restrain yourself from smacking? Please don't smack me! Even though I have the dumb face, that is my look for today. I try smiling, it looks dumb, I try an eye wiggle, out come the dumb face. We could do this like Dr. Suess; One face two face here comes dumb face....

Went for a walk about outside to peak around the gardens. I love this time of year for this very reason. Every day there's something new poking up.
Dear hubby says I have 3 more hours to percocet time, but I think he's confused, haha.I know I owe you details, and they're coming, but the concentration has to hold a bit longer than,"Try to smile, haha I look like Gomer Pile, hahah..." Maybe tomorrow.

I CAN tell you I hated the hospital and they're hooligans. To me, hospital felt rough, assembly line, listen to the nurses bitch how tired THEY are. I had a very VERY smelly roommate who apparently needed12 people visiting at a time. It's normal if they want to peak at me on the way by, but they would stop and STARE!!Back up and STARE some more! I suggested they take a picture but it probably came out ,"Sutupas, Stupidss.Ya wonno picshure? Piissh offff!" The nurse heard me and kicked them out and gave them a piece of her mind. 'bout time. Hated hospital. Hospital made me cry from being mad, not sad.

~Daily JAW~
Junk :Still feel like choking with the throat nonsense. Keep reminding myself to 'chill' and just breathe.
Assess: You should see the OTHER guy!
Wow: Hubby picked lilacs~ beautiful! And I can smell them ...I think :)

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Howdy We're Home

We're back home now! Time goes WAYYYYY to slowly in hospital, so I proved I could drink, pee and all the other pre-requisites and was given the boot. Things went relatively smoothly and I'll try to bring you up to speed in the near future.

For now, Crazy throat from the breathing and stomach sucking implements is the biggest discomfort right now. As long as you remember to relax it's all good. NOT a fan of the pressure bandage~ ITCHY! and does some weird shoving and lump and bump making.

This is about 6 hours post-op. Made Jonathan stumble around behind me on one of many short jaunts. Looking fruity but up and at em pretty good.
Trust me, I felt swollen here, but now I can reassure you it hadn't yet begun!
I'm crazy looped on morphine and percocet right now, but wanted to reassure all went well and made it home okay. Will catch up soon :)

~Daily JAW~

Junk: Throat feels tight, hard to breathe, swallowing the "lump"

Assess: It's Early, but feeling way better than I'd of thought

Wow: So good to be home!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Potty Mouth

In the interest of full disclosure in this endeavour, I won't lie to you. I'm pooping my pants a little. It's contained though, harhar! I wanted to do a big "last hurrah" but am having difficulty forming coherent sentences. And the battery in my camera died. Should have checked that before I bothered brushing my teeth....

Anyhow, the kids are dropped off at their grandparents' which led to a few tears (mine~ alone in my car), my house looks like a bomb hit and I'm taking off for an evening of distraction: a school membership meeting, a Big Mac meal, Hubby's ball hockey game, and then if the clock allows and I've not turned back into a pumpkin, perhaps another Big Mac meal. Each of these equally important events will be accompanied by a fresh Tim's coffee~ double, double. I'm not sleeping anyways so we'll go for a grease/caffeine-induced coma. WEEEeeeeee!

Thank you so much for the encouragement, thoughts, prayers and Boo-ya's. I'm not WiFi compatible so Dark Side posts won't be forth-coming 'till I'm back home Sunday. I love you guys :)

Good Luck to Stephanie on your Surgery Monday!

~ Daily J.A.W. ~

Junk: Feel like a space cadet

Assessment: This will soon be enhanced by Percocet & Ativan

Wow: Last night with an underbite!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Just Jaw-filled Jumble
Sleeping Seldom Satisfied
Jittery, Jumpy.

Prescriptions Picked up
Percocet Preparedness
Pink Penicillin.

Back for Braces Fix
Ortho Observes Orally
Surgical Spikes Skewed.

Hair Highlighted, Hot
Pre-game Show is Commencing
Last Thoughts Coming Soon.

Friday, May 8, 2009

It's ME

This time next week, the iv will have been inserted, I'll be wearing hospital garb and singing "Take Me Out To The Balllllllllgame..." ~off key, of course~ while waiting to be wheeled into the cold sterile environment of an Operating Theatre. It feels surreal at this moment. I won't say I don't feel nervous 'cause I'm pretty sure what I'm feeling is nerves, but it's not overwhelming. More a case of the jitters where I just can't stay still or focus on anything for very long. Jumpy. Waiting for the crack of the starter's pistol.

Surgical hooks are placed between each tooth and with the exception of storing snacks for a rainy day, I have yet to reach for the case of wax scoffed from the Ortho's in anticipation of what could be. *shrug* No biggie.

Yesterday was the day of hurry up and wait: pre-op clinics at the hospital and surgeon's. A whole lot of nod and smile as you get re-told everything you've already gone over. Do they think you're going to change your mind, jump up screaming "WHAT? You're gonna do WHAT?!" It was nice that Jonathan came for these visits, though. It let him hear everything first hand from the powers that be, instead of listening to me go on about it.

I scored these from the surgeon:

Always fun seeing your innards and the kids love how the hooks show so well in the Pan x ray.

I'm not putting up the projected 'dolphin' morph pictures The Man presented me. They are horrid. And wonderful. Confused?

First the horrid. They are confirmation of why I hate pictures taken. Holy snap they were that bad. It was a National Enquirer version of some Celeb being caught without makeup and being outed as a trans-gendered druggie giving birth to alien babies. The first thing Jonathan said when we got back in the car was "Dude. You do NOT look like that. Trust me. Those sucked." I hadn't said anything but he knew where my brain was. How can you like the projection when based on horror?

The wonderful. There was so little difference between the before and after. So subtle that if you blink twice you might have imagined anything varied at all. Still confused? If you haven't been following my narcissistic self-centred tale or woe from the beginning, you might have missed that with the exception of a potentially more-balanced profile as bonus, I'm doing this because of long standing jaw pain.

Yes, I have an underbite from the upper not growing enough but it is not an in-your-face underbite. My upper jaw is skewed to my right giving a crossbite, but it's not horrendous. It's just enough that Orthodontics alone can't straighten it. Enough that my teeth won't line up and let me chew properly. Enough that my joints get strained with every bite. And the best? Enough that I will recognize myself when this is all over!