Ants In My Pants

'Cause all I really want to do is tell you the smashing progress to report from my latest Ortho appointment... But I can't do that as the (I'm thinking positive thoughts) impressive appointment in question isn't until tomorrow. Hmmmph!

I do know time is moving along WAY to fast, irregardless of how it comes across on a day-to-day basis. I look at my chillun's latest 'back-to-school' snap and I want to scream "STOP!!!!!"

Stay tuned.... we now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Relevance of Shakespeare & Teeth

"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot, Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet;" (excerpt from Romeo & Juliet)

According to my Oxford Thesaurus:

Gap n. 1. opening, space, aperture, distance, hole, void, crack, split, division, cleft, rift, rip, tear, rent, interruption, interval, lacuna (this is my new word for the day!), hiatus, discontinuity, disruption, lull, pause, rest, recess, halt, stop, suspension, delay, wait, intermission, respite. 2. difference, divergence, disparity, disagreement, inconsistency, discrepancy, division, distinction.


If the text included visualization for clarity, this might be a suggested example. I do find it interesting that the entry following 'gap' is 'gape' ~as this seems to be the natural progression incurred from the former. To completely go off on a tangent, the next words in sequence are garble, garish, garland....otherwise known as talks funny, looks funny, slap some braces on 'em...

My humble conclusion; it doesn't matter WHAT I call my gap, it still is one. *Sigh* I'd like to call it 'HISTORY'!

Diagnostic Relevence Aside...

Given that "Open up and say 'Ahhh' " trumps "Bend over and cough" on any given day, I can at least share with you the outcome of 'ahhh'.

Lower: Before & at 9 Months

Upper: Before & at 9 Months

Midline situation: OOOOO.... ahhhhhh... (click to enlarge if reading is difficult...first endeavour with 'Paint'....I'll learn! Also please keep in mind this pic doesn't have my mouth in 'square' , to which my carpenter husband gasps in horror..)


I'm operating under a lot of assumptions right now. (And if it weren't for my car ~figuratively speaking~ blowing up the day before my last scheduled appointment -which I therefore missed; facilitating the need to reschedule said appointment to a later date -which is coming up on the 16th *takes a breath*) I will hopefully have a few of these assumptions clarified or mooted when I next see Dr. K. I'll give you an example:

As of my June appointment, I was told molds were to be taken late July and sent to OS for progress report. This didn't happen which was a bit of a let down. Instead all energies have been focused on closing that dreaded gap 'downstairs' with the comment that when this was closed, THEN we'd do molds for OS. My question: What changed? Was original plan to carryout Operation Jigsaw first, then close spaces? (Irregardless of answer, it is obvious that plan now is to close all gaps before OJ)

It doesn't really matter in the end except that I like knowing - I'm part of this team, right? I think I'll (politely) request more information, and reassure that there's nothing they can say to creep me out or scare me sleepless. Got that out of the system checking out some of the scary links (do not underestimate the power of images!!!!). It bothers me much more not to know. At least give me something to be looking for as accomplishment, no matter how small or seemingly irrelevant, to cheer along the way.

That and I REALLY want to see my OS again; our little 'love triangle' is much cozier when the other two aren't doing all the yacking behind my back~ Share the love! I felt prepared when I met him the first time, but now I have better, more numerous and much more specific questions to ask.

Guess we'll find out on Monday!

One Love!

If I was any good with Paint (or such related programs) I'd have put braces on Mr. Marley. As such, I have offered to be the brace-faced rep to Jamaica in his stead. 2 weeks till take off!!

I previously shared the joy being the only metallic person in the Bahamas, but will be at a more family-friendly resort this time *read : should not be soooo alooooone -Bring it, kiddies! *

What to pack. Hmmm. I'm evolving into a minimalist packer and have the clothing/toiletries down to a science ~ then we come to mouth stuff. Is it wrong that the various accessories, scrubbers, pickers, flossers, take up half my suitcase? That I'll take an electrical currency converter to ensure the use of my water pic?

My Nemesis

See this baby? This yawning hole is ALL that's standing between the author and her surgery. Humph! Upper is good to go; no new wire or tweaking at all to be done. BORING. Unfortunately, closing this hole is going to take some time. At the June appointment, we introduced a section of power chain tugging the premolar towards the hook on my wire.

Yesterday Dr. Kaller changed the elastic...but that's it. The SUPER bummer of the situation is that once that premolar is moving, we still have to get the molars behind to also move forward into place........*sigh*.

(In other news: My ring is back, fixed, real and looks brand new............YAY!!!!!!)

Random Smatterings

Where does the time go to so very quickly? It's been a MONTH since last posting?? Sheesh! What has happened in the last month....hmmmm.

Well for one, I turned the (like-it-really-means-anything) big 3-0. I spent my whole day shovelling poo out of my barn (congratulations to ME!). Adding insult to injury, while cleaning said barn the diamond from my engagement ring fell out and is lost forever to the poo. Won't lie to you. I cried. ALOT. I know it's just a 'thing', nobody died, yadda yadda. It's knowing the amount of thought that went into the ring; the sentiment and symbolism of the promise held within it. It's not like it was a mammoth rock or anything..but it was MINE! Grrr. Will have to put Cubic Zircona in it for the time being, (shhh don't tell!) but at least it will be wearable till in can be replaced with the real deal.

I continue to be bored with my mouth. The latest adjustment brought surgical wires and a heavy duty elastic spanning the gap where that lower 4th was removed, and a quip that as soon as that gap is closed I'll be ready for the big day. That sounds promising except that it involves moving everything from the back forward on that side, and we all know how quickly (NOT!) molars like to shuffle along. I actually felt the adjustment, (my teeth hurt and everything!), for a full two days ( which is a first), so I was jumping up and down all "they hurt, they hurt! Yay! They're moving!" and then.........nothing. This is one of those patience things we keep hearing about right? As soon as I brush my teeth & have a camera close by within the same hour, I'll pop a pic in.

Kind of drab post, sorry, but I wanted you to know I haven't bailed :)

Pat Me On the Head...

...and call me Fido, 'cause what a good girl I am. I finally steeled the reserve to get my teeth (properly) scaled and sandblasted. But before you get the wrong idea thinking this star is a commendation to self ~ it is NOT.

Rather, it is posthumously bestowed upon the goddess of Oral hygiene, Robin, who did such a spectacular job causing me NO discomfort at my first ever braced cleaning that I would hug her had this not been our first encounter (and as strangers, no matter how intimate they may be with your mouth, tend to have requests for restraining orders against panting, pathetic patients on speed dial)!

Perhaps I should jump back for a second with the delayed preface that "I LOATHE CLEANINGS. " Kick me in the shins, please. Slam my fingers in the car door, Ya! Tie me up and throw burning coals in my lap...okay, you get the picture. But what's with the amazing capabilities of such otherwise pleasant-looking people to immediately find that last nerve and pick, pick, pick, till you want to die, die, DIE!!!! Normally I give them a heads up of the specific area that triggers the " Oh! I WILL bite you" reflex, but then they seem annoyed you spoiled their sport and zero in on it like a master marksman. (Sadomasochistic something-or-others... )

So imagine the surprise when, with great trepidation, I explained my sensitive bits and she listened. And.....(angel choirs break forth) tread gently and carefully with caution and concern. A rare gem, she is. Obviously, I had reception bold, italicize AND highlight that Robin is to perform my next cleaning - which is booked - & I can't wait.

You know when you find the right spot to scratch on your favourite pooch, the eyes role back & that ole hind leg gets thumping a furious tattoo? Ahhhhhhhhh!

B-O-R-D BORED!

Does this stack look familiar to anybody else, just a different day? I confess to being rather reluctant to post as there just isn't that much to say right now. I was hoping for something hilarious to happen that could at least keep you folks entertained 'till something of consequence came up....but....
nope. Such small fry compared to the big stuff going on.


Most notably a massive (Al Pacino-Esq) HOO-ah! to Heather and Leah -their surgeries this past Wednesday and today, respectively- and Holly chomping at the bit with just 11 sleeps to go. We're all rooting for you, ladies!


It is nice in slower moments like this to just carry on carrying on as if there is no "someday" looming on my personal horizon; to follow what everyone else is up to and Cheer you on as LOTS is happening, without being too caught up in my own oral issues to try and really hear what you're trying to say. So whether I'm flooding you with comments or all seems silent, I'm most certainly up-to-date with you guys. Please! For the time being, let me live vicariously through you!

Nothing shattering, but I did finally do the old, "So.......how are things moving?....Are we on schedule...." all nonchalant-like and merely mildly interested, to my OD at the last adjustment. Trust me, inside I was shaking him by his Gap button-down polo 'till HIS teeth moved, screaming "Tell me,tell me, TELL ME NOW!!!!" *sigh* the restraint nearly killed me ~ My
fellow orthodontees were silently directing Oscar nods my way. THAT relaxed.

Anyhow, he informed me things are moving right on schedule and June 3rd I graduate to my Surgical wires and...wait for it...elastics! Yay, me. Arches, as whacked as they appear & feel, are nearly where they want them, so focus will be switched to finally closing the downstairs, yawning hole where my tooth used to be. I'm stuck with these glorious mid-lines until they're rearranged on J (jaw)-Day.

July will usher in more bubblegum goo (It's been a while, so I've almost missed this delicacy) to make my first braced impressions to be sent to the Surgeon. I loved hearing this part (but still looked cool, promise, no outward drooling with excitement) as it reaffirmed that there is a surgery going to be in here somewhere; they hadn't forgotten the god-like being who's to both shove Humpty off the wall AND put her back together again.

Trolls and Tantrums

nce upon a time, in a land far, far away there lived a goat who spent her days skipping merrily through the meadow; exploring pastures abundant in tender grasses with a bounce in her step and a crown of jewels within her mouth. Content (and not saddled with directional impairment), Her life was rather pleasant , unhindered, free .......



Then why in tarnation do I all of a sudden feel like FREAKING OUT!!! No worries, this too shall pass, yada yada yada, and let's not forget how very long it is until anythings even going to happen, but it's almost like the nerves snuck up on me, "who's that walking on my bridge" as the trolls jump out to devour the poor little Billy goat. Ba-a-a-a-a-h!

When it comes to actual procedures, what to expect, I've done a fair amount of homework, I finally worked up the courage to watch the procedures highlighted with the Warning: Graphic! labels attached (Trust me, they deserve this designation ~*hurl*). I don't really care for surprises and would prefer to know what's coming. This whole process has been a long time coming and was subject to much scrutiny. It really has been saved as a last resort so I feel confident that this IS what I need to do. Does it sound to you like I'm trying to convince myself?! It's more all of the little uncontrollable extras that have my heart racing in the middle of the night. Some might even say that it's stupid stuff.

I guess the root of it is that I'm really struggling with how little the people around me comprehend just how scary this is, and if they don't get that, how in the heck are they going to get that I really am going to need help?! I have people come up and ask if I've had the surgery yet, people I see on a regular basis. I bite my tongue and refrain from screaming, "NO, Moron!"

To be even more honest, I HATE that I'm going to need help. Period. I don't want tubes invading every orifice (whether I'm aware of them or not). I don't want to drool like an imbecile and ooze bloody gunk uncontrollably for a couple of weeks, and not even know it. I don't want to feel like I'm choking & drowning inside my own fat head. I don't want to cheer the accomplishment of finally having the strength to shower, or pee without needing a nap. I don't want to view oatmeal as the great frontier in culinary accomplishment. Don't want weeks of swamp mouth. Don't want to wonder what lurks beneath the bruises. Don't want to wonder when a kiss will feel like a kiss. Can you just envision the toddler laying on the floor screaming: arms and legs pounding the floor? This is my tantrum.

Okay, so this might wake me up but I promise I'm not letting it keep me up; just a momentary blip in the hard drive. I do know that the whole one-day-at-a-time thing is important and the advantages to staying positive, which on most days I truly am. I love how real you all are in sharing what you're going through; I cheer your accomplishments, sympathize the setbacks. I KNOW all the right responses, expectations and actions to make it through this relatively unscathed....in my head. I suppose it's translating this into faith, feeling it in your heart and believing your head that's the clincher. (Orthognathic surgery as a religion? Hmmmmm....) Lather, rinse, repeat.

Ahhhhhh....Thanks guys. I feel better now. The goat DOES make it over that bridge, right? Better go outsmart me some trolls!

Uh-Oh.

You know how everybody talks about how easily braces come off when this is all said and done? How, with just a bit of prying ~*POP*~ those suckers just snap off and the ortho is holding the wreckage, in one piece, in his hand? Must have been one crazy night 'cause i woke up holding a line of train track in my hand....pulled those suckers right out of there.

APRIL FOOLS!!!

Not that anybody actually believed me, but it was worth a shot!!

(Cue *Wahh-wahh-wahhhhhh* sound clip)

So, I've been known to comment on the glorious, oh-so-trendy affects of various vices on dental aesthetics. Witness exhibit A:

Obviously, giving up such all-round destructive vices is the logically brilliant plan (Please don't message me on the virtues of quitting.......I am well-versed in the art of whacking myself repeatedly over the head with a 2X4 for my shortcomings!) however, there are times a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. In this case, it was (carefully) tooling a standard sewing needle between my teeth to gently scratch off the stains. Witness exhibit B:

Yes, I should (and will.......honest!) most likely make an appointment pretty soon for an actual official cleaning anyways, but this most certainly makes it easier to look at in the meantime!

Cleaning at Dentist: $120.

Sewing Needle (20pk.): $2.

A Little Creativity: Priceless.