nce upon a time, in a land far, far away there lived a goat who spent her days skipping merrily through the meadow; exploring pastures abundant in tender grasses with a bounce in her step and a crown of jewels within her mouth. Content (and not saddled with directional impairment), Her life was rather pleasant , unhindered, free .......Then why in tarnation do I all of a sudden feel like FREAKING OUT!!! No worries, this too shall pass, yada yada yada, and let's not forget how very long it is until anythings even going to happen, but it's almost like the nerves snuck up on me, "who's that walking on my bridge" as the trolls jump out to devour the poor little Billy goat. Ba-a-a-a-a-h!
When it comes to actual procedures, what to expect, I've done a fair amount of homework, I finally worked up the courage to watch the procedures highlighted with the Warning: Graphic! labels attached (Trust me, they deserve this designation ~*hurl*). I don't really care for surprises and would prefer to know what's coming. This whole process has been a long time coming and was subject to much scrutiny. It really has been saved as a last resort so I feel confident that this IS what I need to do. Does it sound to you like I'm trying to convince myself?! It's more all of the little uncontrollable extras that have my heart racing in the middle of the night. Some might even say that it's stupid stuff.
I guess the root of it is that I'm really struggling with how little the people around me comprehend just how scary this is, and if they don't get that, how in the heck are they going to get that I really am going to need help?! I have people come up and ask if I've had the surgery yet, people I see on a regular basis. I bite my tongue and refrain from screaming, "NO, Moron!"
To be even more honest, I HATE that I'm going to need help. Period. I don't want tubes invading every orifice (whether I'm aware of them or not). I don't want to drool like an imbecile and ooze bloody gunk uncontrollably for a couple of weeks, and not even know it. I don't want to feel like I'm choking & drowning inside my own fat head. I don't want to cheer the accomplishment of finally having the strength to shower, or pee without needing a nap. I don't want to view oatmeal as the great frontier in culinary accomplishment. Don't want weeks of swamp mouth. Don't want to wonder what lurks beneath the bruises. Don't want to wonder when a kiss will feel like a kiss. Can you just envision the toddler laying on the floor screaming: arms and legs pounding the floor? This is my tantrum.
Okay, so this might wake me up but I promise I'm not letting it keep me up; just a momentary blip in the hard drive. I do know that the whole one-day-at-a-time thing is important and the advantages to staying positive, which on most days I truly am. I love how real you all are in sharing what you're going through; I cheer your accomplishments, sympathize the setbacks. I KNOW all the right responses, expectations and actions to make it through this relatively unscathed....in my head. I suppose it's translating this into faith, feeling it in your heart and believing your head that's the clincher. (Orthognathic surgery as a religion? Hmmmmm....) Lather, rinse, repeat.
Ahhhhhh....Thanks guys. I feel better now. The goat DOES make it over that bridge, right? Better go outsmart me some trolls!
.jpg)
Oh, I echo *so* many of your thoughts! I, too, find it hard to ask for help, which is funny, becasue I have no problem helping others out.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like most folks agree that knowing just how difficult recovery will be has been helpful, but I wonder if perhaps ignorance could be bliss. Probably depends on your personality.
I feel totally silly giving you ANY advice since I'm struggling with the same things, but maybe if you (we!) do break the fear-pain-recovery period into manageable chunks it will help. For instance, I'm already thinking of stocking my extra freezer with meals (both for my family and for me). Since I am a totaly spreadsheet nerd, I'll probably put other ideas into a little project plan. ;)
You know, waiting may be the hardest part? Wouldn't that be a sweet silver lining to orthognathic surgery?
Lady, amen, I have SO been there. The "have you had the surgery yet?" from people I see every day used to boggle my mind. And even when I was in recovery, only the people living in my house really understood how awful it was. (Well, actually, NOBODY really gets it - thank goodness for the fellow orthobloggers). I didn't like being dependent, either, and it was frustrating especially towards the end of my wired-shut debacle, but in the beginning, you'll be so drained and out of it you'll be glad to be free of all obligations - even the ones like "try not to drool."
ReplyDeleteI don't know if that makes you feel worse or better, but either way - it all passes eventually, you'll get through it!
I think the thing I'm afraid of most is something that i've read in other people's surgery blogs: throwing up blood as soon as I wake up from surgery! For some reason, this really terrifies me!
ReplyDeleteI'm really hoping to get some concrete info about the surgery from my ortho at my next appointment... it would make me feel like i'm actually on some sort of time line!
I'm thinking many of the same things as well. For some reason, the thing that bothers me the most is the swamp mouth. Being unable to brush for 3 weeks - not sure I'll be able to handle that.
ReplyDeleteI get the same "have you had it yet" too! Ditto with people not getting what a big deal it is. I asked a friend if she could pick me up from the hospital and she said she'd have to check first to see if she could get time off work! My family is in another country and there aren't many people here I'd want to see me in that state. I'm planning on locking myself in the house alone for the first few weeks, and pouring my misery onto the blog.
I completely understand. You are SO NOT ALONE in those thoughts.
ReplyDeleteYah, I think I remember at least one goat getting over the bridge - the smart one at least, otherwise known as YOU! :)
I love reading your posts, I think you have captured how we all feel from time to time. I definately have moments that are worse than others. I have no idea why or what brings them on. It feels so good to have all of my ortho blogging friends around to keep me sane. I wonder sometimes if any of us will keep in touch after our journey's. I hope so!
ReplyDeleteyou're definitely not alone on these thoughts. most people will never understand what it is like even if they are there with you everyday, thats why the blogger community is so great!
ReplyDeleteHA!! I'm sorry, this is no laughing matter but you are SO funny!!
ReplyDeleteI remember freaking out too. I know exactly how ya feel. Don't worry, right before they knock you out they sorta knock you out with some meds and you feel a lot better about it all. :D
How goes the troll battle?
ReplyDeleteYou guys are amazing, you know that, right?! Thanks for the understanding :)
ReplyDeleteHeeHee! I'm still here, Michelle, but most certainly have been out of the loop for a bit ~ darn sun had the nerve to finally come out and tempt me into the great outdoors. I'd MUCH rather clean up outside than clean my house......so outside I have been, dutifully ignoring the mess within!
I'll be hounding you guys' blogs asap!!! (and add an update, too) ;)
Being prepared helps, but you can never be fully prepared for the psychological effects of the surgery, as I have learned.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your very sweet comment on my posts - I have felt very human and humbled these days, that's for sure. But it's good to know that there are other people out there who understand. So thanks for taking the time to help support me. I'm rooting for you, too!
Hope you are doing well!! :) Looking forward to an update :)
ReplyDeleteHey Katherine thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment! I wish people would more often!!
ReplyDeleteYou'll do fine! I've been so pleased with the whole process. Never hesitate to ask questions!!! I wish I would have had more people to talk to when I was about to go through it. Instead I quietly loitered on blogs.
Keep in touch!!! PS - I added you as a surgery companion link.
Hey Katherine thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment! I wish people would more often!!
ReplyDeleteYou'll do fine! I've been so pleased with the whole process. Never hesitate to ask questions!!! I wish I would have had more people to talk to when I was about to go through it. Instead I quietly loitered on blogs.
Keep in touch!!! PS - I added you as a surgery companion link.